Relationships: Criticizing Hurts You? (Stop It With Sound Counsel)

Stop It!

A love triangle t_01-23-31_2010-07-05_08-04-52popular saying these days is hurt people, hurt people. If that doesn’t interpret for you, try this hurting people hurt people.

Pain brings out the best or the worse in humans. Well, let’s include animals. If a child in discovery stage decides to feel a dog’s eye, the dog may react to the hurt by snipping or biting the child’s finger. If your intended life partner cheats you are in pain. But Christ-followers stand before God and promise faithfulness to one another. Promise broken: Pain Results

What to Do Next?

How should the Christ-follower respond to this rejection? Your thoughts are consumed with the betrayal of someone you trusted. You focus on that person and the third party. Rehearsing their sin in your mind brings more pain. Stuffing the anguish down in your right leg is not a permanent solution. STOP IT! There’s a better way.

The more you give attention to sin the more you become sinful. The more you pay homage to your spouse by dwelling on him/her, the more likely you are to become like them. You don’t want that, do you? We are what we think about. If you want to become God-like, you must focus on God and His attributes.

What to Do Instead

Here’s how. Every morning you wake up in a daze with no clear thoughts even of what day it is. Then you come to conscious thinking and remember that you are facing another day of the pain of betrayal.

Image thanks to spym.fi

Image thanks to spym.fi 

Think Fast

Immediately turn it over to God. Take this cup from me might be your plea each day. Every time hurtful thoughts come to mind cast them upon your loving Savior and focus on Him and His love. He will never leave you nor forsake you. What a blessed thought. Keep a list of such attributes and dwell on them. You must replace your negative thoughts with positive ones. You can’t just leave your mind blank and expect the old to disappear. Replacement therapy is what it’s all about

Image thanks to Child Evangelism Fellowship

Image thanks to Child Evangelism Fellowship

Observe
Catch yourself/observe your conversations. Count the times you talk to people about your spouse or former spouse. STOP IT. If they want to cut him down or criticize, come right out and ask them nicely to nix it. Work on what your reaction will be and practice saying it out loud before hand.This will enable you to respond in a Christ-like manner. As you discipline your thoughts, and observe your attitudes you will be working on controlling your speech. You are the only one who can control your thoughts. Saturate your mind with the powerful word of God. It changes you. Replace thougts, replace conversation with positive words.

Proceed

Proceed to the healing stage. Find a Christian counselor to get help. (See list of Resources at top of page below banner.) Grab a copy of the following by clicking on title below. Practice the STOP, THINK, OBSERVE and PROCEED in all areas. When you receive wise counsel, follow it’s procedures. Listen and learn.

 The Emotionally Destructive Marriage

Emotionally destructive

 

 

 

 

Disclaimer:

Marlene Hibbard is not a professional counselor and recommends the above Christ-followers for counseling services. This site offers resources and advice from Hibbard’s personal experience and experience in counseling as a Pastor’s wife for twenty-plus years. This site is not intended to be a substitute for getting professional help but encourages readers to get professional help.

Today’s Post: Mental or Emotional Health (Communication)

Today’s health post is geared to emotional health and pertains to communication.

Posts will be regularly scheduled in all the above stated categories. Physical, Mental and Spiritual. We are in the process of transferring most of the posts from our Betrayal Blog @ www.marlenehibbard.com to a page on this blog called Betrayal Blog Archives. Today’s blog will soon be reposted there.

Mental/Spiritual Health: Tools 3 Observances of Communication

Tool #1
Texting and Voice Recordings

tools

Did your kids ever voice record you in your worse

moments? Years ago I was wrapped up in home schooling

four of our children and didn’t realize one of those guys

was taping me for about a half hour. Barking orders, talking loudly rather than

going to the room where the intended hearer was (which was one of our rules we

recited daily) etc.

It’s great to get a glimpse of seeing yourself as others see you, to hear what you

sound like. You may catch yourself sounding like an undesirable person. It may not

be a thrilling experience but you can use a tape recorder to improve all your

relationships.

Tool # 2

Texting is a wonderful thing. We say things in a text that we wouldn’t in a face to

face encounter. Then there’s a record of it. I read back over the texts of a long

conversation I had with someone on a subject I was pretty hot about. I saw myself in

a different light. I’ll be honest; it was one of my adult offspring. I saw how bossy I

sounded, overloading her with information of which she was definitely already

aware. It’s a good selfie snapshot. Get the picture?

Use the recorder or better yet have someone set it up when you are not aware. Not

to quilt you into a different behavior but to vision yourself in a mirror.

God’s word tells us the Bible is a mirror. We do have an obligation to be more like

Christ. Think of this as a tool. But learn from it.

Tool # 3

Here’s another way to see yourself.

The best tool you can ever use for relationships of every kind is

staying close to God. Many of the happy marriages you have witnessed in your life

are those of two people who are totally dedicated to doing things God’s way. It’s not

that one person has always to be the one to give in. Of course, there’s a need to

compromise but a marriage in which one person is never willing to budge and the

other must acquiesce continually, is emotionally abusive. Recognize it and get help.

Leslie Vernick, The Emotionally Destructive Marriage would be very helpful.

Emotionally destructive

Relationships: Shining Through Trials (Ward Off Regrets)

Trials Are Here to Stay

Trials are not going away. A friend recently learned that her daughter had filed for divorce. M. had waited to inform her parents since they were celebrating their anniversary of 55 years by taking a cruise. The news would have saddened their vacation considerably. Now, my friend says, I’m just waiting for the next shoe to fall.

 

She’s right, even if she sounds like a prophet of doom. Little does she know that her sister is losing her battle with cancer. It’s gone into her bones and the only hope, after years of fighting the disease, is bone marrow transplant. So the next falling shoe is coming soon for my friend. Her sister doesn’t choose to fight any longer and has stopped all medications. How will my friend react when she learns this?

Obedience Even During Trials

One of my goals for this blog which is stated on our ABOUT page is to provide sound Biblical advice to equip believers to live a life of obedience thereby bringing glory to God.

What does that mean? Does it mean that even in the midst of trials we must portray a submission to God’s will. That reacting in a spirit of bitterness or anger is not acceptable? I can testify that in my deepest trials I did not shine forth the love of Christ for the offender. That’s my biggest regret. I often think of the song Make Me A Blessing and wish I had been a blessing during that trying time. Here’s just the chorus of that old hymn.

Make me a blessing, make me a blessing

Out of my life, may Jesus shine

Make me a blessing, O Savior, I pray

Make me a blessing to someone today.

Obedience Involves Self Control

Do you think you can control your tongue  in front of a watching world so that Jesus

can shine through you even in this sad experience? Controlling the tongue begins

within. Attitude is everything. If you have a quiet spirit about this trial, you can

possibly keep your tongue quiet as well.

I know what my thinking was during my most difficult trial in life. I thought no one

could expect me to act nice right now. In my heart, I realized that God has a plan for

everything that happens to His children. I even knelt down and thanked God for the

trial as I knew it would make me a better person. But there were many times that I

didn’t demonstrate that attitude of yielding to what He wanted to teach me.

What is Your Major Mission?

Is our mission to bring Christ to a dying world?

Out in the highways and by ways of life, many are weary and sad,

Carry the sunshine where darkness is rife making the sorrowing glad.

Be a blessing to those around you by showing what you know to be true:

this is all going to pass and you will come out with a high hand.

Trust God openly. Show the world that you read the back of the book, and we win.

Then you won’t have to live with the regret of emotional outbursts and sad

memories. Perhaps through your trusting spirit others will come to trust Christ as

well.

It’s so scary when we’re walking in the dark and can’t see ahead but when Christ’s

word shines a light on our troubles we can shine that light to others. His word

gives comfort,strength, understanding of His will.

 

 

Courtney’s quote

“Trading in the lies of Satan for the truth of who Jesus says I am… It’s a process, a daily, sometimes minute by minute process…not easy but I’m in a much better place realizing that the truth really does set people free… Thank you Heavenly Father for your love, mercy & grace. And to all my loving, praying & caring friends & family, thank you for being who you are in my life.”

Courtney Hibbard

Relationship Mistakes of Victims of Infidelity Part II

Mistake #2

Believing God Wants to Zap You (By Marlene A Hibbard)

thanks to insidethesneakerbox.com for image

thanks to insidethesneakerbox.com for image

Is God on your side?

When God says He loves you with an everlasting love (Jeremiah 31:3); obviously it means that love goes on without end. The Apostle Paul reiterates this in Romans 8 when he says he’s convinced that … [nothing] can separate us from God’s love, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord.
Catch the full impact of the word Lord. It means Master. Job said, during His severe trials, “my foot has held fast to His path; I have kept His way and not turned aside” (Job 23:11 ASB). If you are walking in His path, making Him the Master of your life, you need not fear being zapped by God. It may not always look like it but He IS on your side.
You may need to be reminded of God’s love if you are facing betrayal of any kind.

You may need to know He’s not waiting with outstretched lightning bolts, to zap you. Tomorrow, we’ll give an example of Ginny’s expectations from God. Please leave a comment.

Disclaimer:

Marlene Hibbard is not a professional counselor and recommends the above Christ-followers for counseling services (click on Resources below Header Banner). This site offers resources and advice from Hibbard’s personal experience and experience in counseling as a Pastor’s wife for twenty-plus years. This site is not intended to be a substitute for getting professional help but encourages readers to get professional help.

3 Mistakes and Solutions of Victims of Infidelity

 3 Mistakes and Solutions of Victims of Infidelity    So you think God isn’t being fair? Your spouse cheated, lied upon confrontation, then God allows him a promotion and a raise and you ask: Isn’t God watching? That, my friends, is the first mistake in our series which we’ll cover in the next three blog posts.

Mistake #1  Thinking God Isn’t Watching

Mistake #2  Believing God Wants to Zap You

Mistake #3  Believing Your Happiness Is God’s Top Priority

Today: Mistake # 1 Thinking God Isn’t Watching

God cares about his children and you can be sure He is watching. He also is very angry with the offenders who spurn His laws.

  

image thanks to  Amazon.com

image thanks to
Amazon.com

    God is touched with the feelings of your infirmities. God is also observing those who think their infidelity is hidden. One Israeli soldier may have thought that in the battle of Ai. He took articles of the spoils of war which by covenant had been devoted for destruction. He secretly buried them in his tent. (Like there are any secrets kept from God, right?)   

Listen in:       Johua is calling every tribe, every family down to the very man to line up. Searching for the culprit, the lot falls on Achan. Busted!

God is bringing judgment as the tribes stand in awe. Severe punishment is pronounced. God had shown them in the next battle that they could not stand against their enemies without God on their side. Someone had stolen the accursed things and put them among their own stuff. God’s anger burned and fire was the consequences for the stolen items, Achan and his sons and daughters, donkeys, sheep and cattle were put to death. The stolen items and all Achan owned were burned.

God is Watching You 

Solution to Mistake #1 Change Your Thinking and Understand God’s Anger and Judgment

Psalm 30:5 “For his anger lasts but a moment; but his favor lasts a lifetime.” God is surely watching, He sees inside every tent and even underground. Sin arouses His anger. “Do not take advantage of the widow or the fatherless. If you do and they cry out to me, I will certainly hear their cry. My anger will be aroused” (Exodus 22:22-24). There are over a hundred verses in the Old Testament alone regarding God’s care for the needy, the helpless, the poor. He hates injustice. This passage goes on to say that those who afflict the widows will be taken with the sword and their wives will be widows and their children orphans.

Review: God sees every dark corner, every tent and underground, Sin arouses His anger.

Solution: 1. Change your thinking by getting to know God and His characteristics. Do a search of God’s judgments on sin.*(or see below)

2. Be aware of His watchful eye, His loving care for the afflicted. You and your children in this case.

3. Know that He is watching and He wants to hear from you. Make your request known to Him

Look for God’s blessings even in the worse situations. He is a good God but sometimes we don’t recognize His goodness. You may feel God is blessing your mate for wrong doing by giving him a promotion but could God be working to your advantage by giving him that raise? Will this in any way benefit you and your children?

*If you are so overwhelmed that doing a search for verses is beyond you, Kay Arthur has done the work for you. Check out her helpful devotional.

link for lord heal my hurts

Lord Heal My Hurts

Lord Heal My Hurts

Amazon Review:

No Matter How Deep the Wounds, God Can Heal Your Hurts.

Everyone hurts. The pain runs deep, the scars never seem to fade, the memories torment us. As a result, our growth is stunted, our walk crippled, our relationships infected. Will relief never come?

Yes — when you put yourself in the hands of Jehovah-rapha, the God who heals! No matter what you’ve done or what’s been done to you, He wants to be your refuge.

Disclosure:  In the spirit of full disclosure some of the links in this email may be affiliate links, which means I may receive compensation from some of the entities listed here for referrals, as their “thank you” for sending you their way. However, I never recommend any service or product solely for the reason of receiving commissions.

Disclaimer:  Marlene Hibbard is not a professional counselor and recommends the above Christ-followers for counseling services. This site offers resources and advice from Hibbard’s personal experience and experience in counseling as a Pastor’s wife for twenty-plus years. This site is not intended to be a substitute for getting professional help but encourages readers to get professional help.

Relationships Involve Suffering

Responding With Humility to Trials

Quick Tip of the Day

What’s the most difficult part of struggling in a relationship or breaking up? For most it would have to be responding with humility. In the banner on the top of this page we see where our supernatural help comes from. No, I’m not referring to my picture. In the middle of the banner you’ll find the word Bible. That’s what this blog is about.

Image thanks to CEF Press, Warrenton, MO

Image thanks to CEF Press, Warrenton, MO

To get a good perspective on suffering, there is a man in the Old Testament who can teach us a few things.   As C.J. Mahaney states it in Humility True Greatness: “I want to take you…into the presence of someone for whom life did not make sense, someone whose horizon foretold appalling and dreadful suffering for himself and God’s people, and yet who learned a divine perspective on suffering and trials– a perspective that altogether transformed him from a complainer and a questioner into a faith-filled worshiper of God” C. J. Mahaney, Humility True Greatness (Colorado Springs, CO: Multnomah, 2005), 137.

Read about Habakkuk in the book named for him in your Holy Bible. Then come back for a discussion and state your opinions in the comments area by clicking the top right icon on this page.

 Show me how to get this book

Disclosure: In the spirit of full disclosure some of the links in this email may be affiliate links, which means I may receive compensation from some of the entities listed here for referrals, as their “thank you” for sending you their way. However, I never recommend any service or product solely for the reason of receiving commissions.

Disclaimer:  Marlene Hibbard is not a professional counselor and recommends the above Christ-followers for counseling services. This site offers resources and advice from Hibbard’s personal experience and experience in counseling as a Pastor’s wife for twenty-plus years. This site is not intended to be a substitute for getting professional help but encourages readers to get professional help.